Anonymous Postcard: Claims










Claim No.:
051220090409

To:
Julie Lancelle, Mayor of Pacifica, CA

Claim:
Dear Mayor Lancelle,

It is with sadness that I learned of your support to keep Sharp Park a golf course. Please know that golf in that location is a financial flounder with a frustrated future. The flood is coming and it supports the frog. And the snake. Not another Measure L mistake.









Claim No.:
022320081208

To:
All Pets Hospital, San Francisco, CA

Claim:
Why ALL pets? Like you are ALL that? Cause, really, you could not even figure out my CAT & when I went somewhere that only deals with LESS (like just cats and dogs), they figured out my cat. Maybe try less PETS, get a handle on the basics, and go from there.

Also, why did you have me come back so often, when all I needed was at home (with basic direction). Did you really need ALL my money? Like not having ALL the pets in the city coming to you was not profitable enough?











Claim No.:
005820080911

To:
Employees of Panda Gifts, New Orleans, LA

Claim:
A co-worker who was on a business trip to New Orleans last month brought me back a voodoo doll. It's nice. I keep it on my computer. It looks like this.

The instructions on the tag say that I can "place a personal item (like hair) inside the cloth to capture a part of [a person's] soul." It comes with pins that I can stick into the doll, to cast a spell on that person.

Here's my concern: Do you guys wear hairnets when you put these things together? Because I don't want to stick pins in this thing thinking I'm hurting my boss, when really I'm hurting someone in New Orleans. Y'all have suffered enough.









Claim No.:
032520090119

To:
Gap Kids, Inc.

Claim:
Stop making skinny jeans for 5 and 6 year old girls - and 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12 year old ones for that matter.









Claim No.:
046220090226

To:
In-N-Out Burger HQ, Irvine, CA

Claim:
Best tasting, least convenient burger in America.

I LOVE your burgers. And your fries are pretty phenomenal as well. I don't know anybody who has ever eaten one of your burgers who doesn't agree with me. They are so good that I even overlook the annoying little biblical references on your packaging.

I would probably eat at an In-N-Out at least once a week if the 1633.93 mile/24 hour and 14 minute drive to your nearest location (Washington City, UT) from Chicago (where I live) weren't so inconvenient.

I'm not asking you to be Starbucks, but spread the love a little.

Thanx.









Claim No.:
041120090202

To:
World Leaders

Claim:
Please, behave yourselves.









Claim No.:
041420090204

To:
Young anarchists of Olympia, WA

Claim:
Dear young anarchists of Olympia,

Please consider not smashing windows in downtown, or flipping another cop car, or spray painting more smash the state tags all over.

Instead you could support some efforts of actual mutual aid. Volunteer to help support homeless youth, plant gardens for our communities poor, do just about anything besides drive people further and further away from your actual beliefs.

I love you, I want you to succeed, I want a new world. But, I want everyone in this world to meet us there and be a part of it.









Claim No.:
046820090227

To:
Seth Shostak, Sr Astronomer, SETI Institute, Mountain View, CA

Claim:
Dear Mr. Shostak,

Just as soon as you and your SETI team detect evidence of extraterrestrial intelligence, can you let me know right away?

We here on earth could use a few pointers, ya know?

Thanks,

Mike









Claim No.:
043620090220

To:
Trenton

Claim:
Your slogan, "Trenton makes, the world takes," maybe sounds a little more passive-aggressive than you intend. It's hard to imagine that even in New Jersey passive-aggressive is good public policy. Maybe you should work on that.









Claim No.:
046420090227

To:
Carl Johnson, CEO, Matrixx Inc, Makers of Zicam

Claim:
My sister lost her sense of smell from spraying Zicam nasal gel up her nose to prevent a cold...subsequent doctor visits and internet searches have led to the discovery that this has happened to many many many individuals...not to mention the 340 who filed class action suit....we know it's difficult to prove since the nasal nerves are microscopic and we know you skirt FDA regulation by marketing your product as homeopathic and we know studies have proven zinc destroys olfactory nerves. We also know your competitor was ethical enough to remove their similar product from the marketplace. We wonder if you'd spray this stuff up your nose and your children's noses........









Claim No.:
045820090226

To:
US Congress and US Senate

Claim:
Please stop handing out our money to people that don't deserve it. Thanks.

Sincerely,
The people









Claim No.:
039720090129

To:
Sven Birkerts, Author of The Gutenberg Elegies: The Fate of Reading in an Electronic Age

Claim:
Can it really be that after more than 500 years, the printed word (books, mail, newspapers) turns out not to be economically viable?









Claim No.:
045520090226

To:
People who walk up when you are waiting for the bus in Portland, OR

Claim:
To all of you people who come up and ask, have you seen the bus come by? I mean, honestly, do you think if the bus had come we would all be standing there simply because we are so enjoying each other's company, or perhaps we just enjoy the bus stop ambiance? Get a clue!









Claim No.:
046520090227

To:
The City of Erie, Pennsylvania

Claim:
The economy is so bad & the labour practices are not upheld. When a man can work his tail off 60 hours a week for a large company like Verizon and then have them fire him after using both his FMLA and his vacation time for the same time period in which he had to take time to tend to his disabled wife there is something wrong with the system.

When it takes a man three hearings with said company via his union to have the company still refuse to admit to wrongdoing and NO ONE, congressmen or other will come to his aid, THIS is a crime.

Now said man is relying on his wife's SSD which is not a living amount in any sense of the word while trying to put a child through university and keep a roof over heads, because the union in question will not push the third hearing into action over one year later, our city needs help!!! It will not be long, especially if GE pulls out (and who would blame them?), before we are just another Allentown.

You can pour millions of dollars into a bayfront that is no more appealing than it was in the first place, this does not help families that are starving and being threatened with eviction not to mention having heat, lights & phone shut off due to not having enough monies.

As a city/county Erie needs to wake up and put the money where it is needed. Their citizens, what is wrong with a hand up? Teach those people who cannot get justice another line of work. Offer FREE University classes to give them a fighting chance before their whole family dies out.









Claim No.:
034920090122

To:
Beachwood Highschool Food Services, Beachwood, OH

Claim:
We appreciate the effort you have made to expand the menu at BHS. Sushi and middle eastern food are delicious, but after those taste tests, they disappeared.

This leaves us with the lukewarm pizza (for $2.20 a slice approximately 3 by 3 inches big) and the cookies. The cookies aren't even soft anymore.

I know I speak for everyone when I say that I miss the warm soft cookies. Especially the chocolate chocolate chocolate cookies. Thanks.




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All images copyright Tucker Nichols