Anonymous Postcard: Claims

		Claim No.: 061220091112 To: TOTO USA, Morrow, Georgia Claim: If you are going to design low-flush toilets, they should work with one flush. Otherwise it defeats the purpose. It makes me think you guys didn't get the concept. I have installed two versions of your efficient toilet, including the dual-flush, and I still need to flush twice for #2.
		Claim No.: 006820080923 To: Specialty's Bakery on Spear St, San Francisco, CA Claim: First, I want to thank whoever it was that put that piece of blue masking tape on the hot water urn saying "HOT WATER ONLY." This was a big deal for me, as I've had three nasty experiences over the years where my tea tasted like old coffee. Now, to seal the deal and turn me into a more frequent customer, might I suggest that you make the "HOT WATER" actually hot? Lukewarm water makes for crappy tea almost as much as coffee-tasting water does. Finally, what's the deal with your name? Drives me nuts.
		Claim No.: 061720091201 To: Alice Fredericks, Mayor of Tiburon, CA Claim: Mayor Fredericks: Your support for the plan to install security cameras to record the license plate of every car entering Tiburon raises many questions. For example: what crime wave are you working to address? Your town seems as safe as any I've heard of. Do you think giving in to the exaggerated fears of your town will diminish these anxieties? It seems a kind of town-wide therapy rally might do more to help your townsfolk recognize the uncommonly high levels of safety and privilege in their streets. Not sure what Dr. Phil's speaking fees are, but those cameras sound expensive. I am not a criminal of any kind but I must point out that these proposed measures could have the undesired affect of inviting people who think it sounds like fun to rob by bicycle. I'm told your town is committed to widening its bike lanes, yes? Good luck with the PR campaign and the coming lawsuits, sounds complicated.
		Claim No.: 056920090619 To: Programing Director, WRTI, Temple University Radio Station, Philadelphia, PA Claim: Please stop playing, ad nausea, Barber's Adagio for Strings. It's so over used, cliched and sickeningly sentimental. Hearing it every Wednesday at around the same time makes me have the Pavlovian impulse to turn off your radio station. I've been considering not retaining my membership--one more hearing of this piece of music will tip me over to listening to Talk Radio. Please make the Adagio go away for a long, long while. Sincerely, D. R. Gorniak Philadelphia
		Claim No.: 047520090301 To: San Francisco Examiner Claim: Dear San Francisco Examiner, We'd love it if you would stop "delivering" this daily free paper. None of us who lives in this building reads it. The four papers in their bags fill with water and sludge. It's work just to keep throwing them in the recycling bin and an incredible waste of natural resources. Perhaps you will become an online only paper soon, but until then, we beg of you, to stop throwing them near the doorstep each day. Regards, 939 Noe St, especially apt #3
		Claim No.: 022120081207 To: Mother Nature Claim: Capillary action is cool.
		Claim No.: 059320090727 To: Beta 90 Computer, Inc, San Francisco, CA Claim: Your company is ready for a name change.
		Claim No.: 049020090324 To: Lean Cuisine Claim: Should a few small red bell pepper skin shavings be considered a "serving of vegetables" in your frozen entrees?
		Claim No.: 059120090727 To: Woolly Fair, Providence, RI Claim: The tire tornado was awesome!
		Claim No.: 058420090713 To: California Employment Development Department (EDD) Claim: Who are all these people who manage to get through to EDD? Whenever I call, I'm informed that 'due to the high volume of calls we are experiencing we are unable to take your call.' Whose calls ARE you taking? Or are you just having fun watching the phones light up?
		Claim No.: 059220090727 To: Solar Car Wash, Berkeley, CA Claim: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE THIS MACHINE ONLY ACCEPTS ONE DOLLAR COINS."
		Claim No.: 058620090722 To: Neil Bluhm, Owner, Sugarhouse Casino, Philadelphia, PA Claim: Slot machines are boring and casinos are for suckers. And I like my neighborhood and community. And people in Philly are poor enough and you are already rich enough. How about forgetting this whole gambling business and take up some gardening? Or if that is not an option, how about you put a slot barn next to Neil Bluhm's home in Chicago?
		Claim No.: 057220090626 To: Hurricane namers, National Hurricane Center, Miami, FL Claim: I would like to see hurricane names more closely track baby naming fashion--more Phoebes, Chloes, and Jadens ripping through our towns.
		Claim No.: 052620090422 To: Sheffield Manor Homeowners Association, Bristow, VA Claim: My "fit" neighbor works out on his treadmill in front of his window that "conveniently" is missing blinds. Please demand some sort of cover. There are children in the neighborhood.
		Claim No.: 057320090629 To: The Greeters at the Wal-Mart in Pratt, Kansas Claim: This isn't about the union busting, outsourced child labor or destruction to main street, so you can relax. I'm curious, though. Is it just me or do you see a connection between the presence of an entire aisle of sour cream and the absence of men's pants in a size below 38?

All images copyright Tucker Nichols